


i'll be what you need

by trainerlyra



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dimileth Week (Fire Emblem), F/M, Female My Unit | Byleth, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Pre-Relationship, Romance, Sharing a Bed, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27086464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trainerlyra/pseuds/trainerlyra
Summary: She really was beautiful, he realized, once he had calmed himself and taken a deep breath. He wondered, not for the first time, what he looked like in her eyes.For Dimileth Week Day 7:free!
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 10
Kudos: 120





	i'll be what you need

**Author's Note:**

> queen of procrastination pulls through yet again!!!!! started this yesterday, finished it a little while ago, and here we are B)
> 
> anyways, i hope y'all enjoy! dimileth is such a wonderful ship, i want to give them the world but alas, this is all i can manage. rip. but anyways! thanks to the hosts for once again holding this week so we can all share some dimileth love!! i'll be back next year i'm sure!!!

"Sleep," Byleth said, not even looking at him as she began the task of taking off her armor. Dimitri was beginning to understand why she didn't bother wearing much of it. "Sleep, and we can talk in the morning. And we _will_ talk," she made sure to look at him then, eyes narrowed in a rare show of emotion.

Though he'd spent the last Goddess knows how many months completely dead to the world, Dimitri found a withering stare from his former Professor still brought on the same feelings of guilt and shame as they did when he was freshly eighteen and leading the Blue Lions. Now that he was coming out of that mind state, he found it only hurt more, and held back a flinch that he desperately did not want her to see.

He'd really, truly, almost died out there today. He hadn't even _thought_ about it, just… acted. Byleth seemed like she was going to get hurt, and Dimitri just…

He doesn't know. His body just moved on its own, out of his control. If Annette hadn't been nearby when it happened, Dimitri knew he might not have even survived. And then what would have become of Faerghus? Of the Blue Lions? Of the war? His face had been considerably paler since the near death experience, but he felt it drain another shade. He'd gone through so many months as if his life didn't even matter, operating strictly on instinct and pure, unbridled rage.

But it was his _job_ to stay alive, now. Now that he'd accepted his role as the next king, now that they were all fully in this to defeat Edelgard's reign of terror. Dimitri didn't think he'd come that close to death since Dedue had helped him escape from prison. Which was, in fact, a certain death.

Dimitri didn't say anything in response. There wasn't really anything he could say to that, really. She had told him to sleep, and not to talk for the time being. Instead, he looked around the room for a sleeping mat he could pull out, coming up completely empty.

"Where do you want me?" He asked, voice low and quiet. Exhaustion was getting to him, and he was glad that she'd pulled him out of the makeshift infirmary - he could never relax there, with that many people around.

However, that certainly begged the question of where he was going to sleep, if Byleth insisted on keeping him in her own quarters. Dimitri couldn't really blame her, with his self sacrificial streak he'd been having lately.

She turned to him, only in her underclothes, looking at him like she was still a patient teacher trying to get drills to stick with an unruly student. "On the bed. Where else?"

Dimitri stilled. Byleth didn't even look bothered, moving her armor and the rest of her clothes into a neat pile in the corner of the room. She moved like it was totally normal for her to be nearly naked in front of him, in her own private quarters, telling him to get into bed with her.

And maybe, Dimitri briefly considered, it was more normal for her. Byleth had grown up a mercenary, with the only time spent around other people being for a mission. She and her father had traveled the country, keeping away from other people, so she had grown up without caring for embarrassment. But it had been years since then, and he doubted she would do something like this with, say, Sylvain.

Well, he amended to himself, he doubted any of the women in the army would do that to themselves. But the point still remained, and Dimitri wasn't sure whether it was the blood loss, exhaustion, or his growing feelings for his former professor that was causing him to short circuit. Maybe all three.

Almost certainly all three.

Taking a deep breath, he found he didn't have it in him to address his concerns. Nor did he have the energy to explain to her that he would rather not do that, or to walk all the way back up to his _own_ private quarters. Or even to the cathedral, where he'd spent many a night since returning back to the monastery.

"Okay," Dimitri agreed after a long moment, beginning his own grueling task of taking off his armor.

Byleth moved from where she was across the room to him, already starting on helping him unfasten clips and move things onto the floor. In any other circumstance, Dimitri might've asked that she stop and give him space, but he already knew he'd lost that battle today. As soon as he was undressed, he'd be sharing a bed with her anyways. Plus, she'd already seen him without anything on his chest in the infirmary while Mercedes had assessed the damage from the Thoron bolt he took earlier.

So he just sighed, finding that he wasn't as uncomfortable with their proximity as he'd expected to be. Dimitri was finding, lately, that Byleth put him more at ease then he'd care to admit. He knew exactly why he had jumped in front of her earlier that day, instead of just being comfortable in the knowledge that she had years of experience on him and knew what she was doing. Admitting that, though, when he was about to sleep next to her in her small bed, was not on his to do list. Nor was doing anything other than apologizing tomorrow - undermining her authority was not something he had meant to do that day, and he had a feeling that was how it looked to her, and potentially others in their army as well. As the vessel of the Goddess, she was more than capable, and Dimitri felt the knot in his stomach grow at the thought that she might not think he trusted her.

Byleth, however, seemed to be completely ignorant to his internal struggle. Once everything was put away neatly, she ghosted her fingertips over the bandages that covered his chest. Annette had apologized earlier for being unable to fix the scarring, but Dimitri didn't care anyways. He already had more than he could count. In the back of his mind, he wondered if Byleth would.

For a moment, it looked like Byleth was going to break her own rule and ask him something then and there. She just stared up into his eyes, looking for something that he wasn't sure she would find. While she looked for something in him, Dimitri took his time to drink in her features, still relishing in the fact that she was _alive_ after all this time. She'd rejoined the army months ago, but the brilliance of it had not yet stopped amazing him.

Back then, while she was a teacher, she had never seemed to care much for her appearance - hair always in knots and fishnets ripped and torn until they were unusable. It seemed like wartime had only decreased the amount of effort she spent on it per day; her hair a bird's nest atop her head.

Dimitri still knew he'd never seen her more beautiful, with the moonlight coming in from the windows to make her eyes glow.

"Sleep," she repeated from earlier, breaking the silence they had been stewing in, and gently pushed him towards the bed.

Stumbling, Dimitri quickly found himself on the inside towards the wall, but before he could protest Byleth was already covering them with the blankets. In an unexpected bout of intimacy, Byleth found his hand under the covers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I will be here in the morning," she said, tone as soft as the hand on his was despite the callouses. "Until then, may you sleep well."

Staying as still as he possible could, Dimitri breathed out, and then in again, trying to memorize the feeling of their hands joined together. "Sleep well, Byleth," he whispered, closing his good eye.

* * *

Except, of course, nothing was ever that easy. Dimitri had long since suffered nightmares, since the Tragedy of Duscur years ago, and unfortunately, sleeping near someone else did little to alleviate them. The voices of the dead still threatened to claim him, regardless of his opinion on the matter.

What he wasn't expecting was Byleth waking him up with a gentle shake. "Dimitri, Dimitri," she repeated as if it were a mantra, as he slowly came to and the angry voices of his family faded into his subconscious. "Dimitri, it's okay, wake up."

His one eye opened, blinking frantically. Taking in information, he quickly remembered where he was - not his own quarters, but Byleth's. In Byleth's bed, after…

Almost immediately, Dimitri's throat dried up. "Byleth?" He asked, scared to turn to her even as he sat up. "I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." A quick glance to the window showed the moon still out, which was better, at least. She could at least go back to sleep for a reasonable amount of time.

Her hand, that had been gripping his shoulder, dropped. Dimitri found he missed its warmth as soon as it left. "It's fine," Byleth told him, worry in her tone. "Are you alright?"

The question of the ages. Dimitri almost wanted to laugh. Yes, he was more grounded after Rodrigue's death. Yes, he was more than willing to become a better person; one that the people of Faerghus deserved. But was he alright?

"No," he said honestly, shaking his head. "Not to worry, though. I'm quite used to it." They only followed him most waking moments, after all. They had faded for the time being, but Dimitri was no fool. They would be back to scream at him later.

Laying back down, Byleth attempted to coax him back. "In the morning, then," she said, and he could hear the small smile in her voice. "For now, go back to sleep."

It wasn't a question, but it almost seemed like that. While he appreciated her sensitivity, he once again wanted to laugh. Dimitri did as he was told, however, wondering how long it had been since someone had told him to sleep in such a manner.

During his time living a bit more deranged, Byleth had often come into the ruined cathedral to try and get him to sleep, or eat, or _talk_. It was very different, though - more desperate, more concerned, less like coaxing a child to do something they didn't want to be doing. Part of him hated the idea of Byleth thinking of him a petulant child, but part of him also understood. Once a teacher, always a teacher, and at that thought, he did let out a small breath of laughter.

He expected her, honestly, to admonish him, or tell him to go to sleep again. Instead, Dimitri found Byleth staring at him; lips slightly parted and eyes wide. It was always a treat to see her expressions, since they were quite uncommon and fairly unpronounced compared to most.

"Can you do that again?" She asked, and it reminded him so strongly of the first time he'd seen her smile from the heart. Her question was so earnest, so honest, Dimitri couldn't help but try to comply.

It started as a small chuckle, thinking once more about how Byleth was a teacher through and through, but once he started, Dimitri found he couldn't stop. The laughter bubbled up from somewhere he couldn't place, and suddenly, he was laughing at the absurdity of it all:

Him somehow deciding that jumping in front of a Thoron bolt for Byleth was smart. Byleth scolding him at the infirmary and dragging him practically by the ear to her own room to keep an eye on him. The two of them, with Dimitri harboring strong, not at _all_ platonic feelings for Byleth, taking off his armor and getting into a single bed together while he struggled with how to apologize and also how to explain his feelings.

It was absurd, he realized, and he laughed - and clearly his body needed the stress relief. And the smile on Byleth's face that had slowly made its way from nothing only encouraged him.

She really was beautiful, he realized, once he had calmed himself and taken a deep breath. He wondered, not for the first time, what he looked like in her eyes.

"Thank you," Byleth said, sounding a little out of breath herself. "Should we try and sleep now?"

For the first time all day, Dimitri felt a little lighter. Though he knew he'd be plagued with nightmares once more, he nodded. "Let's," he agreed, laying back down next to her. He found he could get used to that, and knew he would be thinking of how he could feel her heartbeat for the rest of his days.

* * *

Though Dimitri was an early riser, he wasn't remotely surprised when he awoke to find Byleth at her desk, fully dressed and already engrossed in whatever task she had started with. A quick look to the window confirmed that the sun had only risen recently, and he couldn't stop the fond smile at the fact that she was likely up long before the sun.

"Good morning," he said, pushing himself up out of the bed. It was a difficult, but not impossible, task to keep the embarrassment from coloring his voice. He hadn't shared a bed with anyone since he was a child. "I apologize for waking you last night."

Her writing stopped, but Byleth didn't turn to face him yet. "Don't worry about it." For a moment, she didn't say anything more, and Dimitri waited with baited breath. "But I did promise you we would talk. Do you need a minute?" It was more kindness then he deserved, but he appreciated it all the same.

Walking over to where she had put his clothes from yesterday, Dimitri shook his head. "No, it's alright," he told her, already feeling weak with guilt. "I need to apologize for yesterday, regardless."

He had been stupid. It hadn't even been a few days since he had acknowledged that he had to live and wanted to be better, and there he was, potentially throwing his life away because… why? He wasn't certain that Byleth would've been able to protect herself?

It was another level of brainless. How many situations had he seen where Byleth had seemingly put herself in harm's way, only to strategically use it to her advantage and dodge the blow completely?

Dimitri knew it had to have been hundreds. The two of them had fought far more battles together, and he trusted her instinct in battle with all his might. Yesterday had just been some odd slip, he guessed. He wasn't honestly sure. One moment, he was scanning the battlefield to check on his comrades, the next, he was rushing out in front of Byleth and getting hit dead center of his chest with electricity. He knew he had gotten lucky that Annette and Felix had been as close to them as they were when it happened.

And in the infirmary, Dimitri had rarely ever seen Byleth that angry. The fact that he'd been the one to drive her to that point made him wince.

She finally turned to face him from her desk, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Are you?" She asked, point blank. "Are you sorry, or would you do it again?"

Dimitri swallowed painfully. "It… depends," he said, lamely. "If you were truly in danger, I don't think I'd have much choice in the matter." He paused, and then realized that revealed far more than he had meant to, and hurriedly continued in a poor attempt to cover. "But of course, it doesn't mean that you aren't capable. I suspect you'd even be able to take me, heaven forbid it ever come to that." It took every ounce of strength not to wince again. He was really, legendarily bad at this, he realized.

Byleth looked mildly amused, all things considered, so Dimitri supposed he could be doing worse. "What brought that on?" She asked, genuine and honest as she always was. "We've fought together for years, and you've never been that quick to jump in front of me before. What changed?"

It was exactly the question he was afraid of. His fists tightened at his side, nails digging into his palms without his gloves on yet. How was he supposed to answer? _Oh, yes, Professor, I've been in love with you for years and finally saw that we might have a future that night in the rain, so I've accepted those feelings instead of locking them away?_ He'd rather stop talking to her again then tell her _that_.

"I don't know," he finally told her, grimacing at the lie. "But it won't happen again. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't trust you." It was never what he wanted her to get out of his little stunt yesterday, but the possibility made him horribly uncomfortable.

For a long moment, she just studied him, taking in everything she could. When he was first getting to know her, those watchful eyes had made him feel like Byleth was instead looking through him instead of at him. Dimitri now understood it was just the opposite. Byleth saw too much, compared to others.

"I thought we were past this," Byleth said after the pause, her words barely a whisper. "I thought, after Rodrigue, you…" She didn't need to continue for Dimitri to understand. _I thought you were done recklessly throwing yourself into danger. I thought I wouldn't have to be scared for you anymore_.

Because he knew that's what it was. It was likely the rarest emotion on Byleth's face, fear, and he'd seen it yesterday in all its glory: her eyes wide, jaw clenched, and the grip on the Creator Sword turning her knuckles white as snow. Painful to watch, Dimitri could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen her make that expression.

Nearly all of them had been directed at him.

Visibly, he shrunk a little, the guilt back in full force gnawing at his stomach. "I know," he said, because he did. "I can't promise it won't happen again. But I can promise I'll become a man you don't need to worry about anymore. Someone you can depend on." _The same way I depend on you_ , he thought, but didn't say. He had a feeling she knew, anyways.

Standing from her desk, Byleth crossed the space between them too fast for Dimitri to react. Without hesitation, she reached a hand to cup his cheek, her touch feather light. Before the night in the rain, Dimitri wasn't sure Byleth had ever touched him outside of battle. Over the last few nights, he'd already found he'd grown accustomed to it enough to miss it when she was gone. It was a dangerous thing to grow used to, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

"You already are, Dimitri," she whispered, so quietly he could hear his heartbeat over her words. "I just wish you would see that."

How she saw anything other than a broken mess of a man trying to repent for the horrors he had caused, he wasn't sure. The only reason, he had thought for the longest time, she had stuck around was out of loyalty to a person he never was - to a wall that he had put up throughout his time as a student of Garreg Mach, that was never coming back. He remembered, so vividly, the day that she had come back from the dead herself; the hand she'd immediately outstretched to him, the sun making her into a lighthouse from the dark corners he resided in. The days she spent standing with him in the cathedral, as well, after they had made the monastery their base once more. Watching over him at night, bringing food for him and leaving it on the ground without a word.

Dimitri could never understand it. With the rest of the Blue Lions, it made some sense to him. So many of them had known him for years prior, and even despite that, most of them were the optimistic sort. The kind of people who sought, beyond all odds, for a happy ending. Byleth was not. She had always been a practical person, only scarcely relying on emotion to power her through a battle. And yet out of everyone, Byleth had been the one to not give up on him. Everyone else had more or less stopped attempting to get him to come to his senses, but she had never once let him go. Always holding him accountable, always there to reign him in.

It was far, far more then he deserved.

"I can't see myself as anything but a monster," Dimitri told her, stiff and unmoving as to not cross boundaries he shouldn't. "I don't know how you can, but it's a kindness I can never repay you for." He tried to make his words carry the weight he felt to the best of his ability.

Byleth only smiled in that mysterious way of hers, stepping back from him to give him some space. It took every ounce of his self control not to step forward again, missing her proximity as soon as it was gone. "One day you'll understand," she said, voice full of a confidence he couldn't begin to accept. "I promise. Let's get some breakfast, okay?"

There was really nothing else he could do, Dimitri supposed, other than agree. When it came to Byleth, he knew there was likely nothing he wouldn't do if she asked.

As they made their way to the dining hall together, and he listened to her speak about the upcoming meeting that day, Dimitri slowly felt the weight lift off his shoulders. When he stood next to Byleth like this, when she spoke to him in hushed tones as if he were a trusted confidant, he felt… he felt warm, like the sins he'd committed were being washed away to time. He felt like he really could become the man he wanted to be for her - and the rest of his kingdom.

He felt like he could finally move forward.

"What?" Byleth asked, when he stayed silent for a little too long. "What are you smiling about?"

Dimitri hadn't even realized he _was_ smiling. "Nothing in particular," he said, his smile widening slightly. "By all means, continue." He mirrored his words with his hands, motioning for her to carry on.

Shaking her head, she slowly launched back into bouncing ideas off of him for how to broach certain topics at the meeting. This, Dimitri thought, he could do forever.

**Author's Note:**

> and there you have it. thanks, as always, for reading! the title for this fic is from the song _goodbye apathy_ by onerepublic. it's one of my all time favorite songs, and i think it really suits them a lot. [(i....also have a spotify dimileth playlist, if you want to hear what other songs i think suit them, lmfao)](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2t0hdmNuNB09Yn0zXC6FDJ?si=uZpsT3rRSJOXR-a3XiM1MQ)


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